Sing to the tune of L-O-V-E by Nat "King" Cole

M, the matchless way you make me feel
I, the instant I see you, I squeal
L, you lookin' like a
Lady I think I'd like ta
F, forever more the only gal that I'd adore's a

MILF, the word just fills me up with joy
MILF, please pick me for your next love toy
Life with you's much richer
My spank bank could use your picture
MILF, say I'm a naughty boy!

In Old Mexico

The summer I was twenty
Me and my sweet Stephanie
Robbed the First National
In Albequerque
Then we headed southwest
Down those dusty desert roads
Goin to live the good life
In Old Mexico

Was in Agua Prieta that
We started spendin cash
On good things like cocaine
And mescaline and hash
We drank down some tequila
Underneath the stars
Then had ourselves a good ol' time
In the cervesa bars

Then one stormy thursday
I got a killer plan
To get that girl to wed me
And forever be her man
Drove her out into the desert
High up on a hill
Where we all alone
And the world below was still

I told her that I loved her
And with this much dough
We could be happy forever
Down in Old Mexico
But when I told her that I thought
That she might be the one
She put her hand in her pocket
And the pulled out a gun

She said that it was true that
Together it was nice
But as far as money goes
I could use some advice
We'd be forever happy
And would make quite a pair
But alone she'd be twice as rich
And twice as without care

Then the pistol fired
Filling the prarie with it's crack
It pierced my shoulder throwing me
And I landed on my back
I lay there looking up
Into her pretty evil face
Just as she fired again
Spilling my blood all round the place

This one got me in the side
The next went through my cheek
She laughed at how I didn't fight
Always knew that I was weak
Then she said that was enough
She'd let the desert do me in
She pushed me to the roadside
Went to the car and jumped in

When she drove off I finally
Let out a long loud cry
With just one thought goin through my mind
As I looked up at the sky
I may be broke and bleeding
Lying in this soggy ditch
But we'll see who is the weak one
When I finally catch that bitch

I am a hack surrounded by small minds
Making inane observations
By taking lunch at the compy
Editorial nightmare
Crappy jokes fly fit for klansmen
Into my disapproving ears
Like a storm of chitlin
Excrement means
Shit

Hidden

They say it's there
just take a look
do it fast
you'll have it hooked

I'm looking and I think maybe it's there
Is it?
Perhaps a trick of the light
a sick joke played by my sometimes overactive imagination.

Nausea sets in as I unconsiouly convince myself
to look in another shrub
for exspongification of sought riches

A small paper bird
made from the torn remains
of a beer label